Fourth and FINAL...(finally!!)

Now, there were more hurdles to jump. Ben started having more trouble with his eyes. He developed iritis. This is a painful inflammation of the iris. It's like arthritis of the eye. This flared up from time to time, and every time it happened his vision got even worse, if that was possible. He was also struggling with chronic nosebleeds. Eventually, he had to have nasal cauterization. That slowed them down for awhile, but he does still have this problem from time to time. Mostly during allergy season. (The twerp won't take the nasal spray that is supposed to help, so I only feel 75% sorry for him when it happens. I'm kind of a bitch that way.) Again, these are just things he has to live with. We do our best to keep them under control, but sometimes no matter what you do, you can't stop things from happening.

JT started having very red and painful eyes, too, and was diagnosed with CLARE (contact lens associated red eye) Basically, it means that not enough oxygen gets to his eyes when he wears his contacts. However, he can see much better with contacts than glasses, and even though we spring for the most breathable contacts on the market that can fill his prescription...again, a hurdle. It helps if he doesn't wear his contacts for full days at a time. He recently got new glasses that are probably better than most of the glasses he's ever had, and I think he sees pretty well with them, but he still prefers contacts.

Remember when I told you that the boys were not supposed to be in contact sports? I will never forget the day, when JT came home in tears...because he wanted to play football more than anything. I was torn, but I was sticking with what the doctor said. NO WAY! John and JT kind of...'went over my head' and he went out for football in seventh grade. I agreed to let him be the kicker. JUST the kicker. I think that lasted one game, and then he pretty much played the whole time. Those games..I practically needed a barf bag I was such a wreck. I was excited for him, but incredibly scared for him. One time, he came running off the field holding his eye, and I almost lost it...but as it was, he had either lost his contact or got something in it, I can't remember which...but yeah, that one almost gave me a heart attack. And two years later, Ben was out for football too. Double stress ball over here. Like I said, I loved watching their games, and I was proud of them and happy for them, but just so incredibly worried!! This is Ben's senior year, we are four games into the season. All is well. Hang on, Mommy...we're almost there!

And they were both able to get their licenses! It took Ben longer to get it, but they finally found the right prescription for his glasses and he squeaked by, but cannot drive at night. JT started out not being able to drive at night but eventually got his prescription tweaked enough to get his night driving. Thing is, every year they both have to submit a vision statement from the eye doctor in order to keep their licenses, so that is sometimes stressful, because depending on if something is flaring up, they may not see as well as other times. Also, their eyes are not going to get better. We just hope they stay as good as they are for a long time.

Then, when John turned 40, all of the sudden, one side of his face went numb. It just hung there, he couldn't really even drink without some of it spilling out! We were like, what the hell?? He went to the doctor, and she diagnosed him with Bells Palsy. He was put on a strong antibiotic and within a couple weeks it seemed it had gone away and things got back to normal.

"Normal."

Maybe a year or so later, John started having weakness in his legs. He wasn't able to pick up his feet like he used to. One foot started to turn outward more and more when he walked. He fell a lot...he was easily tripped up. He would cramp up terribly, at times just yelling in pain. Finally after awhile, we were sent to Iowa City. He had an MRI on his brain, and spine...they found something. There was a 'spot' on his brain and a 'spot' on his spine they were concerned about. We had to see a rheumatologist and a neurologist. They agreed he needed to have the spot on his spine biopsied to see what it was. The surgery lasted 12 hours. When the surgeon came in to talk to me, he said they weren't able to get a very good biopsy because the growth was wrapped up in his spine. They weren't even able to get a good sample. John was stuck flat on his back for five days in the hospital, for basically nothing. The diagnosis came back. Neurosarcoidosis. "Sarcoidosis" is a disease involving abnormal collections of inflammatory cells on your organs. Typically, it tends to start in the lungs, but John's started on his brain and spine. This is something that can go into remission (meaning it's not getting any worse), but it can also flare up. He was put on large doses of prednisone, methotrexate, calcium...and he operates at about 65%. He still goes to work, he can hunt if there's not a lot of walking on uneven ground, but he has had to make a lot of changes to accept his 'new' body, and it's been very hard to face his limitations. To simplify, it stinks.

There are a lot of times I wonder what I did to screw up my family so badly. Again, I know most of you would probably slap me for thinking this, but I can't help it. Of course, these are my darker times. I try very hard to find humor in the day to day. And there is a lot of it to be found if you don't mind laughing at morbid things! It's about finding things funny in the things that aren't particularly funny. I'm pretty good at it. There's more than that, though...

There's family. My family and John's family are simply incredible. You could not ask for more support. They pick us up, the help us out, and mostly they love us and are always there when we need them, even if just to vent. People tell me I'm 'amazing'...and I always have to laugh at that. I'm not. Do you know how many times I've gotten mad at God? Just hauled off and told him what I thought of his 'plan'? More than I can count. But usually after I'm done letting Him know exactly how I feel, when I calm down, I am able to see the beautiful things in my life. I see a gorgeous day outside. I look at the smile on Levi's face when he's truly enjoying himself. I see the energy in Ben's eyes when he's had a good football game...I am filled with pride when I see how hard JT works, both in school and at work. And underneath the smiles, the energy, the pride, are struggles overcome. These boys have each had to fight to get where they are in the world. Nothing, and I mean nothing, came easy. And, in some way, that makes it all a little sweeter. I don't get to take vacations. I don't drive a nice vehicle. My house is tiny. I don't have much...but my heart is full. At times, it's broken, sometimes it just plain hurts, but it reminds me that I'm alive, and that nothing is promised. You take the good with the bad. It makes those good times, those calm times, so much more appreciated. I had to be taught that. I'm glad I was. I mean, I could have done with a little less drama, but who am I kidding, I've always been a tad on the dramatic side.

I also have a lot of friends. Wonderful friends. Teachers and therapists, and doctors, I never would have met that have found places in my life. I want to list them, but I don't dare, because there are too many, you'd get bored, and I'd leave someone out.

So, that is a fairly shortened version of 'our story'. If you've read all four of these installments, I have to ask how on earth you have not been bored to tears by now. There were times I grew bored writing it. However, it is kind of therapeutic, and I'm really glad I went on this journey. Thank you for all the 92 'likes' to get me to do this...I hope you don't regret it! (and I can't believe it's only taken me 24 hours to complete!! HELL YEAH, BABY!!)

Love to you all.

Ten-four!