Brokenhearted...

I know this shouldn't be this big of a deal! However, sometimes what you know in your head and what you feel in your heart aren't always in agreement.

Tonight at the concert, which, by the way, I've waited so long for...Levi was going to make his big musical debut. Why this is such a huge deal to me is not exactly clear. Levi could honestly care less! However, we thought we had it worked out to where it just might work. Although I knew it could end badly, and I thought I was prepared for that, it appears that my hopes were a little higher than I realized.

I was nervous. SO nervous for him. The beauty of Levi, though, is that he didn't feel any of that nervousness! He's just in his own little space in his own little world...and I'm worried about where I should throw up...I decided if it came to that, I would use my purse. Luckily it didn't come to that...:) It's always nice to have a plan...

Levi was escorted in by the lovely Mrs. Herrick, whom I love dearly. My heart almost stopped beating as she walked him to his spot in front of the risers. The audience calmed down and Levi looked nervous...the kids each had a flag in their hand that they were to wave during one of the songs. Levi promptly put his flag in his mouth in order to use both hands to cover his ears. Okay, no big deal...The music starts. Levi starts swaying...the kids start singing...Levi removes his hands from his ears, keeps the flag in his mouth, slaps his butt with one hand and gallops across the stage. At this point, Mrs. Herrick gets his attention to get OFF the stage and he makes his exit. Perhaps five seconds? Ten?

Suddenly, out of nowhere, the tears just pour down my face. I felt like such an idiot! I think I continued with uncontrollable waterworks until the middle of the third grade performance, and then I managed to pull myself together...remind me....never to go to a concert without kleenex. The guy next to me must have thought I was insane! (he's not that far off) Anyway, I pulled it together, and kept telling myself, hey...he got farther than he got last year! Last year he wouldn't even go into the gym! But for some reason, tonight, that held little comfort for me. Then, after the concert, my mom, mother in law, father in law, special ed teacher, Mrs. Herrick, my friend Glenda, and a couple other people...came up to me and then I really lost it! I am so embarrassed for getting this emotional over something that is really just so LITTLE! But, at the same time, I got to see how blessed I am to have these support people in my life. What would I ever do without them?

I hope I never have to know.

Thanks to John, Judy, Mom, Ellie, Glenda, Lori, Elaine and Holly, I am feeling a lot better now. :)