Disappear

At conferences last night, I came across a 'lady' that has had a very negative impact in my life. The second she came into view, I just got this feeling...like, I wanted to either turn around and head the other way, slink into an empty hallway, slither off into a corner until she'd passed...just disappear so I didn't have to give my 'faux' smile, and act like I thought I was good enough to breathe the same air as her...but in reality, I don't! I don't feel like I'm good enough to clean her toilets...and it just kind of made me wonder, as it often does, why on EARTH I let people make me feel that way about myself!

I have struggled my whole life with my self image. I think a lot of people do, but one look from this 'lady' can make me feel bad about myself for an entire week. In high school, there was always 'those girls'. The beautiful, perfect, talented, always-have-a-gorgeous-date, amazing, stylish girls, who you stood next to and felt like a complete toad. I was more of the mousy-haired, dress on a budget, too short, too fat, too hyper, too loud, and too dramatic girl that people tried to avoid due to my annoying nature. Oh, sure, I was fun to stuff into a locker or put on the top of the pop machine and have to sit there and wait until Mr. Penning got me down...it was fun to pick up my golf-ball sized car and move it across the parking lot so I'd look like even more of an idiot when I couldn't find it...(thanks to the football team)...and even though people probably did a lot more laughing AT me than WITH me, I was unable to change any of myself, even though I desperately wanted to!! I just wanted to be one of those amazing girls...but alas, it was not in the cards. I am relatively happy BEING me, so my question, as it always is, is WHY do I give these people who make me feel bad so much power???

The 'lady' from last night, as an example, is someone whose friends don't even like her. If you mention her name, immediately eyes start to roll, and you'll hear things like, "Oh, HER..." It is clear, that she isn't the nicest person on earth, in fact she is a very selfish woman, and I'm not saying this to be vicious, it's just that it is very clear that SHE is the one who is not happy... and yet I place all this power in her hands, one glare from her and I'm re-evaluating my entire existence...why?? Because she is thin and beautiful, I feel that she is better than me in every way? Is the world really that shallow?

I so admire my husband sometimes, because he is one of those people who could care less what anyone else thinks. He doesn't just say he doesn't care, he truly doesn't. He does what he wants and when he wants (within reason) and I don't think he ever stops and thinks, 'gee, I wonder what this person thinks of me?'...I am so jealous of that because I am constantly wondering what others are thinking of me...when in all actuality, they probably aren't thinking anything at all!! I'm really NOT that important!

Anyway, why don't you think it over, and let me know if you ever feel this way...and if you have any fabulous ideas on how NOT to give the negative people in our lives the power to hurt us...because I really struggle with it!

And, then maybe some night we can go over and egg that lady's car...you know, theraputically...teehee!