Hunting

I know all of my hunter friends will probably think this blog is lame including three of my very own family. HOWEVER, I don't care. :) I need to spit this out...theraputically, of course.

Hunting blows. I dread hunting season every single year. You know, it should have been an indication of what my life would be like, when, on our wedding day, my fiance and his friend spent the morning pheasant hunting ("and we got our limit, too!!") before the wedding. He was on time, thankfully, but there was a little bit of worry about that on my end. Another indication, perhaps, might have come a year later, when on our first anniversary was spent pheasant hunting in the morning, (I rode along...MAN I must have been in LOVE or extremely BORED) and for supper, I got to fry up what he shot. Happy Anniversary!

I have heard of people saying that they are a hunting 'widow' and boy can I sympathize! It's so true! I don't understand men when they get into the whole, "Man hunt, woman COOK" sort of mode, but it seems almost caveman-ish at times!! And let's not forget that they get up before the ass-crack of dawn, so when they come home they are tired!! Soooo, boots get thrown, camo gets thrown, guns laid out everywhere, and suddenly I have three corpses in the living room wrapped in little blankies snoring away...and the worst thing is THEY WAKE UP HUNGRY!! I know, I know, I should be more supportive. I will give my guys credit lately, due to some substantial meltdowns on my part, I have managed to get them to pick some of their stuff up before they crash. And, I don't like guns laying around when Levi is bopping about. I have thrown some pretty impressive fits in my eighteen years of marraige, and they have paid off in the long run, to an extent at least. :)

And, let's just take a moment to talk about the hunting videos, and the hunting shows on Saturday mornings that occur when they are NOT hunting. Ahh, yes, the camera is focused on a beautiful area...sun just coming up over the trees, and here comes...well, let's say, a deer...and the deer is majestic, and huge, powerful...and beautiful in his own surroundings...he is walking...the sun is rising...and you hear a shaky whisper...'ohhhh...that's a dandy..." and then, you hear the crunch of the deer's steps, as it looks straight into the camera as if to say, 'huh?" and then BAM!!!!!!! A tuft of fur goes flying, blood is pouring out of his side, and the deer takes off running only to crash, dead, like, 100 yards later. Then the camera goes to this hunter...who just ended this glorious animal's life, and he's crying...and shaking, saying, "This is a dandy of a buck...thank you, God, for this great hunt....blah blah blah" and I'm like SERIOUSLY??? You're BAWLING??? Ugh...Dumbest thing EVER!! (in my opinion!) Who the hell says, 'dandy' anymore, anyway??

And, let's talk about the crap. The hundred guns, because, of course, you need several different kinds because they all shoot differently and one might be more fun than another...the camo, my GOD the camo...is there any end to the amount of camo that is needed? Warm camo, cooler camo, blaze orange, camo hats, blaze orange hats, camo gloves, hats, facemasks....and there's not just one kind, there's endless different patterns, all for different things, and if you hunt everything there is, YOU GOT A LOT OF CAMO! Dear John, rent a storage shed. I am sick of trying to find my way around the basement!

Now, how about the stories? MY GOD, the STORIES...all about how many, how far, how many shots, who shot, who can't shoot, who can't aim, who CAN aim, who got this one and who got that one, and "yes I DID shoot some, but they all got away" or "I got that one, but the dog couldn't' find it..." ARRGGHHH!!! I'm not saying I'm not interested...but I'm not THAT interested! And John is always saying things like, "You know, I shot this one by that lake on that land that guy owns that I knew in junior high" or something like that, and I'm supposed to know exactly where it is! I'm lucky if I can find my way to the grocery store, PLEASE don't turn me loose in the country!!

OHHH and let's not forget when one of my daycare moms came and said, "Is that a liver by your door?" Nice clean up, guys. Glad she could see a goose liver right next to where the kids come in the house. I'm sure that's amazing for business. Or when another one of my moms pulled up and almost stepped on a pile of feathers that she was pretty sure was still alive...ugh! I think it was a pheasant wing...:( How embarrassing.

Okay, hunter friends, I know you enjoy this stuff more than life. I apologize if I have hurt any of your delicate feelings...and, I know you can defend this hobby into the ground which is why I've never asked my guys not to do it. I bitch about it, but I sort of accept it as being who you are.
But, even if it's who you are, it will probably never be who I am...and that's okay!

Now, who wants to scrapbook? :)