Discovering Autism

People have asked me many times how I knew Levi had Autism. The story is kind of interesting.

I had a tough pregnancy with him, nothing crazy bad, but I honestly thought he was going to kick himself out of the womb long before I had carried to term. He was VERY active. I developed some problems about three weeks before my scheduled c-section date, and ended up having to have him three weeks early. The doctor assured me, after an ultrasound, that his brain was fully developed, and that delivering at 37 weeks really held no risks. I honestly DID stop to think...I wonder if this is a good idea...but because they were afraid I was having a gall-bladder issue, we decided to go ahead and have him on August 23, 2002.

He was perfect, of course. TINY! The other two boys had been well over nine pounds, and here is this little seven pound nothin...what on earth am I supposed to do with HIM? A total peanut!

He was so cute. He smiled like he was supposed to, he was a lousy sleeper, but a lot of them are, so that didn't really worry me. And, he was mine. That made him perfect.

As time went on, Levi got bigger. I did notice by the age of 18 months that he really hadn't talked much yet. A word here or there, but had never called me 'Mom' or John "Dad"..and I thought it was interesting, but I wasn't worried about it. I just noticed it.

By the time he was two, still he wasn't really talking, but was doing a fabulous job of playing by himself (yeah, duh, Kim...no WONDER!). I would watch as he built these little circles around himself, taking hours to get every corner lined up just so...everything facing exactly where he wanted it to, and if it didn't meet his approval, the whole thing would get messed up and he'd start over...(someone should have been SCREAMING 'autism' at this point!) He didn't do a lot of cuddling (another sign), and he still really wasn't calling John or I "mom" or "dad"...he would point at something if he wanted it, but not always, sometimes he would just get really upset. He loved to jump up and down flapping his arms...(if God had dropped a 400lb wooden sign on my head it could not have been more obvious)...and he just had a million, what I called, 'quirks'. The truth is, I loved his quirks. I thought he was the neatest kid I'd ever observed.

However, one day, I was giving my friend Kellie a perm, and I'll never forget this as long as I live. We had been using flashcards during daycare that day, and they were on the counter. Levi, who really didn't talk at this time, came in and took the stack of flashcards off the counter and dropped them all over the floor. As he helped me pick them up, he told me the name of each letter, lowercase AND uppercase, and every number as he handed them to me. It was our Rain Man moment. I just looked at him in utter disbelief, and instead of being proud, the first thought in my head was, "This is bad..."

"It's almost like...AUTISM."

The weekend that followed was Memorial Day weekend, and we were camping with John's family. Part of me was too afraid to even voice the word to John, because John was so excited about how smart Levi was...so, I was talking to his sister and mom, telling them the story of the flash cards...and let the words come out..."it's almost like...autism". The second I said that it was as though a weight had been lifted off Judy and Dawn, like, SHE FINALLY GETS IT!! When they started telling me that they had thought that for awhile, my first feeling was just...well, I was crushed. I was crushed that they had not shared their thoughts with me! I must have looked like such an idiot!

We went home and I immediately called MY mom, and told her what Judy and Dawn had 'thought'...and Mom got very quiet, and I knew she'd been thinking the same thing.

Then I REALLY felt like an idiot.

Truthfully, that was the impossible situation. How do you tell someone that you think their child has Autism?? It's not an easy thing to say to someone, let's face it. Especially someone you love. In their situations, I don't think I'd have handled it any differently.

So, I called the AEA, and got a meeting set up, and they confirmed what, by then, my heart already knew for sure, Levi was autistic.


A lot of things go through your mind when you get this news. What did I do wrong? Why is this happening? What is life going to be like for him? Will he ever have friends? Get married? Hold a job? Get a driver's license? Live without fear of so many things? Protect himself from harm?

I have known since Levi was 2 1/2 years old, and he's now 8. Not one of the questions that I pondered above has been answered. They don't bother me as much now as they did in the beginning because I've come to realize that they don't matter. Every bridge will be crossed when we get to it. Everything will unfold as time goes on, just as it does in everyone's life. There have been many times where Autism will get us down, but then we work through it...we move on...we try harder.


Levi goes to five therapy sessions a week. Two 30minute Speech Therapy sessions, Two 45 minute OT sessions, and 1 hour of food group a week. (What would we do without Grandpa and Grandma Greenfield and their ability to provide transportation...a HUGE thank you, as always!) The sessions help him to communicate, and to learn to do things that his body is afraid of doing...things like swinging, and riding a scooter...jumping into a ball pit...without being terrified. Food Group helps him to try new foods...because he is very picky. He works with a Speech teacher at school, and spends most of his day in the Special Ed room. He cannot participate in PE...it terrifies him. He also has some wonderful respite workers that will take him different places when he needs a change of pace...(Jess Stakey, Jessica Landt, and Jered Johnston, you guys are the best of the best, and I love you.) They also take him when John, JT, Ben and I want to do something that he can't handle. (football games, etc)


But, all that aside, Levi is the most awesome kid. He is perfect, exactly the way he is. He goes through all this therapy and stuff because he needs to learn to survive in the world, but if I had my way about it, the world would simply embrace him for the amazing little boy he is. AS IS. He has taught me to look at things through his eyes, and you just haven't lived until you've seen the world as he does.


I guess what it boils right down to, is that Autism wasn't the tragedy I'd always thought it was. Finding out that my baby had autism didn't end life...it simply changed it. Is this the road I would have hand chosen for him? No. If I could change him now and make him completely 'normal' would I do it? No. Because he wouldn't be the Levi that I love so dearly. I accept him for what he can do and what he cannot. I will always be amazed by his accomplishments and his talents, no matter how 'small' they seem to some. He is my baby, my perfect gift from God.

Thank you, Levi. You are the most amazing little boy, and my life has changed only for the better because you are in it.