Finding Blessings

Do you ever notice how sometimes you really have to search for your blessings, and sometimes they just seem abundant? Things may seem to be going pretty well, pretty NORMAL...(which is really all I want) and then they take a turn and start going downhill. You have to really stop and not let yourself fall into the negativity, and at times, that can be a real struggle!

We found out recently, that Ben cannot get his license. His eyes are just not good enough to allow for this 'privilege' that we all take for granted. I started really realizing the weight of this...thinking, how many times do I hop in the van for something? How many times do I want to go somewhere, so I do? I don't have to depend on anyone to drive me anywhere...and think about going to work. How do you get to your job? You probably drive, right?? And it just hit me...so as I was telling some people, I would hear things like, "Oh well! It's okay! It'll be fine!!" and the immature little brat in me wanted to slap those people and say, "how would you like to have your license taken away?? Don't tell me it's going to be FINE..." but knowing of course, that their hearts were in the right place, I didn't act on impulse. :) The thing that sucks, is we find this out now, as Ben was about to recieve his permit. It won't hit Ben fully until he's supposed to get his license in two years, and all of his friends are getting theirs...and then we will have to go through the anger, sadness, and 'not fair' feeling that we just went through, but on a bigger scale, because it will be REAL. The thing is, I don't know what to say to Ben. I got nothin. No 'talk' I can come up with is going to fix this, and it is all going to fall on my young son to deal with this new blow to his life, and I hate it. Take MY sight. Give MY eyes to Ben, I will gladly trade. He said, "Can we afford laser eye surgery?" And then, I had to tell him what his doctors have told us, he and JT are not candidates for these types of surgeries.

JT was able to get his license which helped Ben out a little, because he can still get away from Mom and Dad now, even if he does have to be nice to his big brother, but there's a little problem with JT, too. He can't drive when headlights are required. No fog, no dark driving, he's restricted. So, this really cuts down on his privilege, too! Think about it, in the winter, when you are driving home from work...it's probably dark!! The only time he's really going to be able to be out til a whopping 8:30-9:00 is going to be in the summer...and I thought, what about going on dates? Going out with friends? He likes to hunt early in the morning, and it's dark then, too!! We always knew it was going to be tough for the boys to drive, if they could at all. I've known this since they were like, 5. But now that it's here, it's like mourning the news all over again, like I said, on a much larger scale, because it's becoming so REAL. And again, I just hate it.

Then, poor John, struggling with leg/back issues that we can't seem to figure out, but we are in the process of some tests...and I'm just terrified as to what they will find...it just doesn't appear to be something 'simple'. And, because hospitals aren't always, 'user friendly' we just have to sit and wait until they decide that they can get him in...and the waiting sucks.

Levi has been on a 'hoarding' mission lately, and has been building forts out of every stuffed animal, blanket, pillow, and toy he can incooperate into his design, so every time I turn around I have a PILE of toys, etc. to put away again...and that should really be the least of my worries, but I have noticed that it's getting to me more than it normally would...(gee, I wonder why??)

SO! Through all of this, I'm still supposed to be able to laugh, smile, and stay upbeat for my guys. And, I do, for the most part. But, sometimes, I just want to sit down and bawl for like, I don't know, a day or two...just til I get it all out...and then see if I feel any better! I am pretty sure I would walk away from that with a migraine, so I'm not going to do it. :)

But, this morning, as I was sitting outside with Levi waiting for the van to come and get him, he got in cuddle-mode. He just curled up on my lap and laid his head on my shoulder, and started talking about a moose...I have no idea where he was going with his moose talk, but I didn't care...then I looked up, saw the brilliant blue sky, felt the crisp fall air on my face, watched the leaves fall around us as we snuggled, and I realized that everything IS going to be okay. Do you want to know why? Because it has to be. Because we are given one life, and nothing is promised. God has a plan for my family. I will never know, while I am here on earth, what his plan is, because I'm not supposed to.

Dear Lord, I accept your plan for my family and for me. Please help me to find the blessings all around, no matter how insignificant they may seem. Help me to be a good mommy to my boys, and help me to guide them in the right direction. Help John find his strength again, and keep him safe. Thank You for the amazing friends and family you have given us to fall back on when we need to. In your name, Amen.